It’s Saturday night and after looking after a large event comprising of people who apparently don’t need any sleep to function, I make my way up to bed at around 4am. I say around 4am because at this point I have no understanding of what day it is, let alone the hour. I console myself with the fact that I am not on the early shift, usually starting at 7am, and can have a lie in, as I have one of those rare things that seem to come round once in a blue moon…a day off!

As I tuck myself into bed with a cup of tea and munch on the biscuits that are supplied in my room (not chocolate chip, but I’ll make do!) I dream of playing in the Premier League, winning the lottery and most of all not being woken up for some emergency between now and when the next Manager comes on duty in 3 hours…not much to ask for is it?

7.02am: Ring Ring, Ring Ring.

Me: Hello?
Colleague: Hey, sorry to wake you, do you know where the keys are, they’re not where they usually are?

Me: Have you looked properly?
Colleague: Yeah, I’ve had everything out, they’re definitely not there.
Me: Do you need me to come out?
Colleague: I’ll look again for you, but I’m sure they’re not here.
Me: Ok, thanks. Ring me back in a minute when you know.

N.B. From how it reads I sound fairly reasonable…not the case. You have to imagine a guy who has had 2 hours sleep, heard the phone ring and thinks it was the fire alarm, once he’s got up and realised it’s the phone, smacked his knee in the dark, and fallen over his own shoes!

7.04am: Ring Ring, Ring Ring.

Me: Hello?
Colleague: It’s only me.
Me: Did you find them?
Person I want to strangle with my bare hands: Yeah, they were in the
normal place, I just didn’t look properly!
Me: Beeeeeeepppppppppppppp!!!!

7.05: back to bed,ZZZzzzzzzzzzz……